


A conversation

by CaramelShadows



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis, Peter Pan & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Nonnies Made Me Do It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5032435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaramelShadows/pseuds/CaramelShadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if two girls abandoned by their narratives met?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A conversation

"That's the thing. For the boys, it's a great adventure, and there's always another one around the corner. Not for girls. Peter took a girl because the Lost Boys wanted a mother, not because he wanted a Lost Girl to fly by his side. It really wasn't that different, in the end."

Susan nodded. "I was little mother to Edmund and Lucy for years, and being High Queen just expanded that to a whole nation. It wasn't that the others weren't good monarchs - but they didn't truly feel responsible for all of Narnia the way I did."

"John and Michael never felt responsible for anything in their lives," Wendy sighed. "And Peter saw responsibility as a personal nemesis almost on the level of Captain Hook. Everything was about the boys and their games, and nevermind how it affected anyone else."

"I think it was a game to the other three, when we returned to Narnia. The magic had plucked away at our memories, and I guess it made them forget responsibility the way I forgot how many steps were down to the water at Caer Paravel." Susan shook her head. "I could never forget what it felt like to hold the fates of a nation in my hands, but they were happy enough to return to being awestruck schoolchildren. And they wondered why I was in such a hurry to grow up - why I hated going from the Queen of a nation to an ignored child. Why I wanted to be an adult again, who people will listen to, instead of just seeing baby fat and ignoring you. Lucy loved being a child. I suppose she'll get to be one forever now, in Heaven or by Aslan's side. I've never quite been sure what I believe happened to them." She lifted a handkerchief to carefully blot tears from her eyes, sparing her mascara.

Wendy squeezed Susan's hand sympathetically. "If he took them all at once away to Narnia and left you without your family because you grew up and put on lipstick - well. That doesn't seem to be a god worth believing in, to me. And that they preferred him to you - I'm sorry. We are always ignored, we who take care of the rest, aren't we? I don't think John and Michael ever thanked me for anything in their lives, let alone Peter and the Lost Boys."

"They expected everything of me. And they were angry when they didn't get it, like it was their right that I talk with them about our memories of Narnia. Because it didn't hurt them, they couldn't bother imagining that it might hurt me - or perhaps they didn't care. Queen Susan the Gentle, as if softness was all a woman could aspire to be. They wanted everything of me, and not one of them ever thought about whether I cared to give."

"The boys - nothing seemed to truly matter to them. They didn't miss our parents - they seemed to forget they even existed. Perhaps Neverland works on the mind as much as Narnia - but not for the little mothers." Wendy grimaced. "Peter and the boys didn't understand why I might want to grow up, either. They had their games, and were as happy as could be, and wasn't I happy? But their games weren't for me. My job was cooking, and telling stories, and fussing over the injuries of everyone who did get to go on adventures. At least at home I could have my own life, have friends - Tinker Bell hated me. I went weeks without seeing another girl. But all the boys were friends, with nary a thought to me alone in their midst."

"I don't think the others missed our parents either. They certainly never mentioned them, through the long years in Narnia, and I learned not to, to pretend that Narnia was the only world that we had ever known, because they wished it to be that way. I suppose a magical adventure palls if you're forced to think of your parents' grief at losing you. Perhaps they were right, when we came back to the same moment we had left - but how could they not miss them? Or our friends, or the Professor, or anyone? Edmund I could perhaps believe pretended our home away because he wished to make the best of things - but Lucy seemed to truly care for nothing but fauns and dryads. Even when we got back home, she spent more time looking at the trees than at people." Susan covered her face with the handkerchief. "I wish I did not think so ill of the dead, but I do not think they would have hesitated, if Aslan had asked them if they wished him to carry them all away before that train crashed. And if he orchestrated it - there were other people on that train! People died, not just my sainted siblings who were happy with their holy lion-god! I might have convinced myself that no god could be so cruel, had I not found out that Polly and the Professor died at the same moment. Everyone but me."

"I could suppose it's different for boys, and that would explain John and Michael and Peter and Edmund and all the Lost Boys, but it wouldn't account for Lucy. Perhaps their lion-god was like Peter, and took with him those he knew would be willing to come - and just bundled you along with, willy-nilly, because they thought they needed you with them." Wendy sighed. "I'm just glad I managed to convince John and Michael to come home when I did, I suppose. Our parents would have been heartbroken. I love them, even if the boys don't. Mother loves us very much. John and Michael seem to see that as little now that they're home as they did while we were gone. Perhaps Neverland still affects them - or perhaps they never cared at all. They still taunt me for being girlish, for wearing lipstick and dresses and putting up my hair."

Susan pats her own perfectly coiffed hair with a rueful smile. "'The silliest time of life', Lucy called it. As if there was nothing worse than wanting to own my years again, after growing to adulthood once already. As if lipstick and curlers aren't just a different kind of armor - but I was ever the only one with a head for diplomacy, anyway. The others preferred battle to sharp-edged smiles and vicious banter. And they could prefer what they liked - but they never saw what I did as work at all. As if I enjoyed being leered at by ambassadors, as if I wasn't putting them off guard and helping prevent needless death. But I suppose anyone who thinks turning schoolchildren into pigs is an amusing jape isn't cut out for the finer points of negotiation."

"I could put off the boys not understanding care in one's appearance to their being boys - but again, there's Lucy. At least I didn't have a sister as bad as the brothers, and I wish you'd been as lucky. I wish we'd both been as lucky to not get chosen by fickle magic. I can't think how much worse it must have been for you, to have to build a life again, between worlds. There was nothing I could build in Neverland - nothing ever changes there, nor ever will, as long as Peter has anything to say about it. Never grow up, never grow old."

"I'm sure Lucy would have loved Neverland. She hated anything to change. And Edmund and Peter would have loved the games and adventures - all the magic without any responsibility at all!" Susan sighed. "I was glad enough that the magic stole our memories. It hurt less to have to grow up all over again when I didn't remember so clearly doing it the first time. But I could never forget that the years had been stolen from me. I suppose I should thank Aslan for deciding that I was no longer a friend of Narnia, for not taking me along with them. I don't think I could have stood losing a whole world a third time."


End file.
